Who are you outside of your business? Are you confident in your worth regardless of the financial or professional benefits you provide to others?
A friend of mine in high school named Troy had a brother in his teens who was born with severe physical and mental defects. Since birth, he wasn’t able to talk or use any of his limbs. His family members had to feed, bathe, and dress him.
When another kid from our school heard this, he asked Troy, “Then what can he do?” Troy snapped back, “He can love!” Troy and his siblings are some of the most loving, patient, humble people I have ever met. They learned these qualities largely by serving and learning from their severely handicapped brother who constantly radiated pure love.
If this boy who couldn’t even talk or dress himself had such an impact for good on those around him, what might your influence be? Regardless of your abilities, you are of great worth to God and your loved ones.
Don’t get caught in the trap of defining yourself by your business success alone. Deriving too much of your self-worth from a single aspect of your life can be dangerous.
A Lesson from Tennis
My wife Andrea worries about losing her sense of purpose when our twin boys leave home in a couple of years. Realizing she needed to add something to feel more fulfilled, she decided to learn how to play tennis.
I’m amazed at how much tennis enlivens her. It has given her a whole new sense of identity, widely expanded her circle of friends, and developed her leadership skills. It also provides invigorating outdoor exercise and the satisfaction of progressing in new ways. Tennis makes her really happy–most of the time.
Andrea never does anything halfway, which means she can be hard on herself. Recently she lost a few important matches in a row and felt stagnant in her growth. This was very frustrating for her because she practices diligently several hours a day.
Her coach sensed her discouragement and reminded her, “Tennis is something you do, not who you are. Don’t let this small setback define you.” His advice helped her relax and enjoy tennis again, which has helped her break through to new levels of achievement.
Keep Work in Perspective
How do business setbacks affect you? Are they minor frustrations, or do they send you into an emotional tailspin? When you’re feeling discouraged, remember that your work is what you do, not who you are.
I have to remind myself of this, too. A few years ago one of our key employees announced out of the blue that she would be leaving our company for another job. I beat myself up for weeks trying to figure out what we could have done better to keep her.
I was startled by how much losing this team member affected my mood and self-image for weeks. This experience helped me realize I was taking my work way too seriously.
Broaden Your Identity
Yes, your business is an important part of your life, but it shouldn’t be your whole life. If setbacks in your business shake your confidence or consume your thoughts day and night, it might be time to broaden your sense of identity.
Psychological research shows that people with diverse roles tend to be more emotionally resilient when facing major life changes. If your entire sense of self is wrapped up in your business, you’re more likely to feel lost when it struggles or when it’s time to move on.
One psychologist compares this to living in a house with multiple rooms versus a single-room house. When one room (or part of life) is under renovation, you can still function in the others. But if everything is packed into one room, any disruption can feel catastrophic.
Having a variety of roles—such as running a business, being active in your family and community, playing a sport, or serving on a non-profit board—helps create emotional balance. If one part of life falters, the others can offer support and stability.
Ever since Andrea picked up tennis a few years ago, she’s been begging me to play with her. I’m not much of an athlete, and I’ve seen how much work it took for her to learn the game, so I was hesitant to open that door. But in the spirit of broadening my identity and making my wife happy, I surprised her last Christmas with a promise that I would try tennis lessons for a little while. Seven humbling lessons later, I still haven’t learned how to serve, but it’s worth seeing the smile on Andrea’s face every time I try. Here’s a photo of me with her coach after my very first lesson.
If your life currently revolves mostly around your business and you’re as hesitant as I was to learn tennis, consider expanding your involvement elsewhere. Not only will this create a more balanced and fulfilling life, but it may even enhance your effectiveness as a business leader.
